First, from Greenwich Village: Elizabeth Wurtzel is the author of Prozac Nation and a second book with a title I can't mention in a family newspaper ("witch" with a capital "B") and a cover that is less than family-friendly (the nude author making an obscene gesture).

When a Canadian journalist asked the author's reaction when she learned a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center, she replied "My main thought was: What a pain in the (another word I can't use in this newspaper)." The Toronto Globe and Mail reports that she didn't even get out of bed until the second plane blew out her apartment windows.

"I had not the slightest emotional reaction. I thought, 'This is a really strange art project.'" She describes the collapse of the twin towers, that killed nearly 3,000 people, as "a most amazing sight in terms of sheer elegance. It fell like water. It just slid like a turtleneck going over someone's head. It was just beautiful."

Wurtzel says she "cried for all the animals left there in the neighborhood" after the attack, but as for the 3,000 human victims, "I think I have some kind of emotional block. I think I should join some support group for people who were there."

Please, Elizabeth, do join a group and while you're at it, renew your Prozac prescription!

The same week that Wurtzel was waxing idiotic, boxer Mike Tyson was taking a break from prison after raping a beauty queen and being banned from boxing after biting off a piece of Evander Holyfield's ear in 1997. At a news conference to announce a $150 million bout in Las Vegas with Lennox Lewis, Tyson allegedly took a bite out of his would-be opponent's leg. So Nevada refused license the event. Officials in both Georgia and Texas had already rejected applications from Tyson with Georgia Gov. Roy Barnes calling Tyson a "sexual predator." (If Tyson were a Rotweiler, he would have been put down years ago.)

But guess what city is welcoming a chance to host this dog fight? Washington, D.C.! The district's Boxing and Wrestling Commission Vice Chairman Mike Brown said, and I quote, ""If this can provide a boost to get people back in spending money and doing business, we are all in favor. And that outweighs any issues concerning Mr. Tyson's past."

I don't want to be accused of hitting below the Beltline, but isn't just a bit frightening that "Sin City" has higher moral standards than D.C.? I've always suspected that the district spelled "moral" M-O-N-E-Y! Now we have proof.

And third, Alison Hornstein, a student at Yale University, described her moral confusion over the September 11 attacks in Newsweek's "My Turn" column:

"Student reactions expressed in the daily newspaper and in class pointed to the differences between our life circumstances and those of the perpetrators, suggesting that these differences had caused the previous day's events. Noticeably absent was a general outcry of indignation at what had been the most successful terrorist attack of our lifetimes. These reactions and similar ones on other campuses have made it apparent that my generation is uncomfortable assessing, or even asking, whether a moral wrong has taken place.

"I spent 14 years at a public school in Manhattan with students who came from a variety of ethnic and socioeconomic backgrounds. I benefited immensely from the open-minded curriculum. But being taught to think within a framework of moral and cultural relativity without learning its boundaries has seemingly created a deficiency in my generation's ability to make moral judgments.

"Just as we should pass absolute moral judgment in the case of rape, we should recognize that some actions are objectively bad, despite differences in cultural standards and values. Even if a woman wears a very short, tight skirt, she should not be raped. Even if the rapist was abused as a child. Even if his wife just cheated on him. Even if the woman looked really, really good in that skirt. The rapist is still accountable. And he still did wrong."

Unfortunately, Alison's views were not well-accepted at Yale and other Ivy League bastions of moral relativity. (How can professors be so absolute that there are no absolutes?)

At least stories like these have kept me gainfully employed examining how our global village is raising a bumper crop of village idiots.

Parents tell their children not to lie and then cheat on their income taxes. Schools teach students to respect and value themselves as well as others and the turn around and tell them they've evolved from pond scum. Churches preach to "love your neighbor as yourself," then bomb abortion clinics and carry picket signs proclaiming "God hates fags." The government mounts a huge campaign against smoking, then subsidizes tobacco farmers. Actors can say "crap" on network TV, but if they say another four-letter word for it, the FCC will raise a big stink.

Is the whole global village filled with idiots? Wait a second. While I'm complaining about all the trees being turned into wood pulp, I continue to add to the deforestization of the rain forests by writing all these printed books, magazine articles, and weekly newspaper columns!

Oh no! I'm an idiot, too!

(March 2004)

Convincing evidence it takes a village to raise an idiot

- Absolutes - 'Bible' diets - Civil unions - Dirty words - Dis-ney

- God and elections - Hate crimes - Nudity - Political correctness

- Prayer in school - Product safey - Rape laws - Salaries

- Ten Commandments - Tolerance - Topless bars

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