Adapted from The Why Files. Buy it at amazon.com.

II. Sexuality as humans defiled it

Romans 1:20-28 describes how humans have rejected God and in so doing, rejected his reflection

For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature--have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles. Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator--who is forever praised. Amen. Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done.

Again, notice how our relationship with God affects our relationships with others If we choose to reject God, we reject who we are sexually. And, so, in this chapter we see how humans defile sexuality.

Author Ayn Rand writes, "I consider promiscuity immoral. Not because sex is evil, but because sex is too good and too important."

Some major result of rejecting God's principles for sexuality, then, are . . .

Intercourse without relationship

We have a horrible term for intercourse in North America: "making love." Physical actions may (and should) express love, but they can't make love!

Premarital Intimacy Creates Problems

Let's picture this as a graph. On the vertical side is the level of Physical Affection; on the horizontal side is the Level of Commitment:

Each culture has varying degrees of expressing affection. Perhaps that is the reason the Bible doesn't give a lot of specific commands other than no sex outside of marriage. So apply this to your culture.

The first chart shows what occurs in many North American relationships and perhaps in your culture as well. For every step toward marriage, the couple takes two or more steps in expression of affection. They reach intercourse on the affection level before the commitment level has reached marriage. This couple may have gone farther than they intended, but they're convinced they love each other.

So, when either begins to doubt the other's love, they increase the physical affection in hopes that it will increase the level of commitment. But because there is more physcal affection than commitment, they probably both feel empty and used.

God has designed sex to express and celebrate a life-long “agape'” relationship.

So, chart 2 would be the ideal. As the couple move down the commitment line, they move the same distance up the intimacy line. This is what gives physical affection its meaning—it celebrates a relationship.

But the ideal is just ideal. Our bodies don't know if they are “saved and sanctified.” Our bodies are programmed for God's command “to be fruitful and multiply.” Even unbelievers obey this command!

Once couples have gone so far down the “physical affection” line, they will have sexual intercourse.

Total sexual intimacy (intercourse) before a total commitment (marriage), then, creates several problems:

1. It weakens trust between partners.

A partner may wonder, If he can't wait for sex until marriage, how can I be sure he will be faithful to me after we're married?

In fact, studies show that those who have more than one sexual partner before marriage are more likely to have extramarital affairs. But, if you and your partner keep from having intercourse before marriage, then there is confidence that your partner will be faithful after marriage.

2. It lessens the importance of sex as a symbol of commitment.

If you or your partner have had sex with just one other person, then intercourse can't be a unique expression of your love.

3. It lessens the commitment itself.

For ten years, Dr. Nancy Moore Clatworthy, sociologist from Ohio State, has been researching couples who have lived together. She's discovered some important reasons to wait until marriage for sex.

(1). Couples who lived together and then got married often fantasize about breaking up.

(2) Couple who lived together before marriage expressed more unhappiness than those who waited until marriage.

(3) Couples who lived together before marriage disagreed about finances, household matters, recreation, demonstration of affection, and friends.

She also reported, "The finding that surprised me most concerned sex. Couples who had lived together before marriage disagreed about it most often."

The researcher concludes, "For people who are in love, anything less than full commitment is a cop-out."

Many girls have found, to their sorrow, that they lost the best partner they might have had by living with him.

Sex and commitment can't be separated.

Homosexuality

Continuing in Romans 1:

Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men . . .

Let's talk about some of the reasons some people have sexual identity issues.

1. Created male and female doesn't mean just sex organs.

Sex, or intercourse, is only a small part of our maleness or femaleness.

2. We are all born with a bent toward male or female behavior.

Confusion over sexual identity may be a result of a birth defect. Remember when I talked about how hormones affect prenatal development. Say, for instance, a male fetus gets a dose of androgen at twelve weeks. It would develop into a perfectly formed boy. But what would happen if for some reason it didn't get the second dose of androgen? It would have a male body, but a "female" brain.

Some believe this is a possible cause for sexual confusion. A more likely explanation of sexual confusion is our upbringing. Hormones don't lock us into male or female behavior. They just make it easier to act like one or the other. In fact, most research seems to show that our upbringing is more powerful than our genes when it comes to sexual identity.

Those born with confused hormones can grow up perfectly normal if they are brought up with good role models and lots of love. But a biologically "perfect" individual can become homosexual if he or she is brought up in the wrong environment. Poor role models, abuse, or incest can so hurt a child's view of the opposite sex that he or she will have no interest in normal male-female relationships.

Jesus seems to say that there are several possible reasons that people may not have an attraction for the opposite sex.

Some are born without the ability to marry and some are disabled by men, and some refuse to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. (Matthew 19:12)

Confusion over sexual identity can also be a result of rejection of God.

When we totally reject God, we reject his created purposes for male and female relationships because we are rejecting the very image of our sexuality.

So, a homosexual orientation may be caused by biochemical problems or environmental causes such as neglect or sexual abuse. For this reason, the Bible doesn't condemn one for his or her sexual orientation.

However, throughout the Old Testament homosexual behavior was called "detestable" and was punishable by death (Leviticus 20:13).

In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul calls homosexual activity "sexual impurity," "indecent acts" and "perversion" (Romans 1:24-27).

3. God's very image is distorted in a union between the same sexes.

In first session we discussed that both genders are needed to express the "image of God." (Figure 1).

Same-sex relationships (Figure 3) cannot adequately expess that image.

If someone grows up in an abusive home, or without good role models, does that excuse homosexual behavior?

Why would God condemn someone for something that person is not responsible?

Here, I believe is the Bible's answer . . .

4. Our sexual orientation does not excuse sexual immorality.

God never condemns the individual with a confused sexual identity.

As I said, it may have been completely out of the individual's control.

God loves us regardless of our sexual inclinations.

But he also hates actions that are destructive to our physical and emotional well-being.

Throughout scripture, God points out how destructive homosexual behavior can be: Leviticus 18:22; 20:13; Romans 1:22-29; 1 Corinthians 6:9-20; and Jude 7.

But I believe that with God's power and an understanding counselor, a person with sexual confusion can find help. It may not change his or her inclinations, but it can help him or her act responsibly. And simply having a confused sexual identity, is not necessarily a sign that one is homosexual. According to Dr. Wayne Oats, a psychiatry professor at the University of Louisville homosexuality doesn't refer to the fear of being homosexual, to fantasies of homosexual behavior, or to (occasional) events of homosexual behavior, particularly in the early and preadult years.

Dr. Oats defines a homosexual as

a person who has, after adulthood, chosen consciously and decided clearly that he or she wants to gain sexual satisfaction from persons of the same sex.Î

Another way that God's ideal image is distorted is through . . .

Divorce

The prophet Malachi expresses God's displeasure toward divorce:

"[T]he LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the LORD made them one? So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. 'I hate divorce,' says the LORD God of Israel . . . " (Malachi 2:14-16).

Jesus underscores God's ideal for faithful relationships:

"[A]t the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate" (Mark 10:6-9).

Finally, another distortion of the "image of God" is . . .

Polygamy

I realize that polygamy has been a part of African culture. (There are certain sections of North America where polygamy is also practiced.)

I also realize that polygamy was a part of the Old Testament culture. God asks Abraham to sacrifice his son, but doesn't say a word about him having two wives. King David--a man after God's own heart--had several wives. And, of course, there's Solomon with one thousand wives and concubines.

But, there's not one Bible story of polygamy without serious complications and consequences. Abraham's fathering Issac by Sara and Ishmael by Hagar has caused centuries of war between Arabs and Jews! Solomon's wives lead him into idolatry and even the split of the nation of Israel!

It's a difficult issue to address. And I pray that God will give you wisdom as you deal with it.

Yes, it would be wonderful if everyone lived by godly principles, but we live in a sinful world. In the United States, professing Christians are divorcing at a higher rate than the general population. I noticed on the Internet, several sites of people claiming to be "Christian polygamists."

But homosexuality, divorce, and polygamy all distort God's image and bring consequences into relationships.

We need to be careful not to condemn those in these situations, but to teach God's ideal of permanent male-female marriages and to lovingly show the consequences of not following God's ideal.

III. Sexuality as God redeemed it

I live in a culture that seems to have reached an all-time low in immorality. The good news is, the Roman Empire, under which Jesus and the disciples lived was much worse in many ways.

The Apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 6:9-11:

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

"That is what some of you were." The church in Corinth was filled with people who had been sexually immoral, adulterers, male prostitutes, homosexual offenders.

But Paul wrote:

you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified

Several years ago, I met a girl I'll call "Kathy." She had been sexually assaulted by her father and two brothers. After seven years of abuse, Kathy had gone to her school counselor. Now she was in a Christian foster home where she had asked Jesus into her life.

Although Christ does make us "new creations" instantly, it often takes months or years for us to view ourselves as brand new.

As we talked almost weekly for the next six months, I discovered a girl who felt betrayed, abandoned, alone, unable to trust any kind of authority, confused about self identity, violated, disrespected, used, dirty, trapped, robbed, guilty, responsible for the acts, full of love-hate feelings toward her family, and depressed.

To help her understand what had happened we talked about how:

1. A Sexual Relationship Dramatically Changes a Person.

It's an act that changes a person emotionally, socially, mentally, and physically.

The first experience is usually less than successful and satisfying. If outside the security of marriage, it can create a negative view of sex. Often the disappointment destroys the relationship premarital sex promised to develop.

A teen wrote: "We felt totally empty afterward, and feelings of hate and distrust came between us. I wondered how many other girls he had slept with, and he wondered how many other guys I had yielded to."

These reactions, emotions and fears can damage our healthy, God-given attitudes toward sex in marriage. But there is hope!

2. A Relationship with God Dramatically Changes a Person

Look at I Corinthians 6:11 again:

And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Perhaps you're bound by other vices: pornography, lustful thoughts, jealousy, or [you fill in the blank].

Paul also writes,

When someone becomes a Christian he becomes a brand new person inside. He is not the same any more. A new life has begun! (2 Corinthians 5:17 TLB).

As Kathy and I talked over the next few months, she began to see herself as this "brand-new person." One week she shared two scriptures that had been helpful to her.

Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but be a new and different person with a fresh newness in all you do and think" (Romans 12:2 TLB).

Now your attitudes and thought must all be constantly changing for the better. Yes, you must be a new and different person, holy and good. Clothe yourself with this new nature" (Ephesians 4:23-24).

Kathy's freedom from her past wasn't, however, easy.

3. A relationship with God doesn't change everything

Unfortunately, some things do not change simply because we ask forgiveness for our past and totally commit our lives to God.

Social and natural consequences do not change. Innocence in God's eyes--and our own--doesn't change our earthly reputation. But don't let that keep you from changing! The good news will get around; it just travels slower than bad news.

Sexually transmitted diseases or pregnancy are not taken care of with a quick prayer, either. Medical and emotional treatment may be necessary.

Some legal obligations may need to be fulfilled.

Memories don't change at salvation, either. We can never completely forget our past, but the memories will fade and no longer control us as God "renews our minds." It has taken a lot of time, prayer, and professional counseling, but today Kathy has learned to cope with her past.

She's learned to forgive her father and brothers and is now happily married. God can do the same for you and your family and friends.

In Conclusion . . .

I. Sexuality as God designed it

God created male and female in His image and declared it "very good."

Who we are, as males and females, reflects the image of a loving God.

Earthly sexual relationships are a symbol of the kind of intimate spiritual relationship with God

II. Sexuality as humans defiled it

All sexual sins are a distortion of the true image of God: love, faithfulness, holiness.

III. Sexuality as God redeemed it

No sexual sin is unforgivable or unredeemable

This is an important time to share "A Biblical Perspective on Human Sexuality."

The AIDS crisis brings an opportunity to talk about God and what He says about sexuality. In Mozambique, there are 250,000 AIDS orphans (parents have died of AIDS). In Southern Africa, perhaps as many as 3.5 million are HIV infected (that's 8.6 percent of the population!); 20 percent of 15-19 years olds are HIV+; 10 percent of school age children are HIV+! In Swaziland, 20 percent of Sawzis over 14 are HIV+!

Some tribal customs do not honor women and violate Paul's command in 1 Corinthians 7:3-4:

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.

Husbands are responsible to provide for their wives sexual need for pleasure as well as their own.

When one out of four women in Southern Africa is beaten by their husband or boyfriend every week, it is a time to speak of God's love

As Wesleyans, we have done a good job of preaching the first half of 1 Thessalonians 4:3: "It is God's will that you should be sanctified. . . . " But, at least in North America, we have not taught the whole Gospel.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 continues ". . . that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable. . . .

"A Biblical Perspective on Human Sexuality" is an important part of the holiness message.

In a survey of The Republic of South Africa of "Sources of Learning About Sexuality," "church" isn't even listed! Maybe it's under the category of "other" but that is only 4.4 percent. "Mothers" are a source of sexual information for only 8.9 percent. "Fathers" ranked even lower at 1.5 percent.

My challenge to you is to train your people about "A Biblical Perspective on Human Sexuality" in a way that is most effective in your culture.

Copyright © 2001 James Watkins