July 1999
Has this ever happened to you? You vacation in an incredible location, such as the Black Hills of South Dakota, shoot fifteen rolls of film of majestic mountains, wild buffalo, Mount Rushmore, and--of course--world-famous Wall Drug. You race to Wal-Mart to pick up your 4 x 5-inch pictures, but as you open the package, you feel a sense of disappointment. "Mount Rushmore looked a lot bigger in real life." You just can't capture Kodak moments with a camera.
The opposite is true, too. I had seen lots of pictures of Mount Rushmore in school and my grandparents' 8 mm home movies. But until I was staring up into George Washington's 6-foot nostril, I couldn't imagine the size and wonder of this monument that is--well--monumental.
The same is true with sex. (Stay with me; there really is a correlation between stone sculptures and steamy sex!)
Our culture has taken something grand and glorious, magnificent and mysterious, and reduced it to 35 mm film and 600 x 800 pixel computer screens. And we wonder, why in a culture saturated with sexual images, so many are sexually dissatisfied.
Rather than celebrating sexuality with their life partners, many are squinting at peep shows, drooling over fold-outs, reading Harlequin romances, and sitting in the dark with "Eyes Wide Shut" watching Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman romp in various stages of undress.
Looking at pictures--of Mount Rushmore or Tom and Nicole--doesn't allow for the real satisfaction of actually being there! It's hard to have meaningful relationship with a video or a fold-out. (And besides, do you really want people with staples through their navels--unless, of course, you're into body piercing.)
Granted, reality is hard work--whether it's a family vacation or doing what leads to families.
Looking at pictures of Mount Rushmore is a whole lot easier than loading up the minivan with the family and enough luggage to clothe a refugee camp, eating bologna sandwiches out of a cooler, and listening to 15 hours of "Are we there yet?" But the real world is so much more exciting and satisfying than the "reel" world.
And being a sexual voyeur is easier than dating and planning a wedding. (The invasion of Normandy required less planning than our wedding!) And it's whole lot easier than maintaining a marriage through communication and commitment. But, again, the real world is so much more exciting and satisfying than the "reel" world.
Major universities have actually studied couples' sexual satisfaction. (What a job! Studying sex at taxpayers expense!)
Dr. Nancy Moore Clatworthy, a sociologist from Ohio State, Dr. E. Mansell Pattison, chairman of the Department of Psychology at the Medical College of Georgia, and sociologists Jeffery Jacques and Karen Chason of Florida A & M all agree that sex and commitment can't be separated. Dr. Paul Pearsall argues, "Super sex requires super love, a love that is possible only in a relationship that lasts . . . ."
After nearly 25 years of marriage, I can assure you that maintaining a marriage is much harder work than maintaining a 25 year-old house--or taking a family vacation. But the rewards are worth the effort.
Okay, okay, neither Lois or I have ever been mistaken for Tom or Nicole. And no one is going to pay money to see either one of us naked! But young Hollywood actors are rank amateurs compared to this couple after a quarter century of practice.
So, here's my point. It's hard work to take a family vacation. And it's hard work to create a lasting marriage. But, I repeat, the real world is so much more exciting and satisfying than the "reel" world.
So, husband and wives, let me suggest that instead of going out to see an R-rated movie tonight, lock the bedroom
door, put a Kenny G CD on the stereo, and take a memorable trip to Mount Rushmore! (But, please,
don't take pictures!)
Copyright © 1999 James N. Watkins
Comment
We need to keep getting this message out. Good job!
I guess counterfeit and short cut have always been the easier choice for people. But if we believer-types could just live in the glory God intended in our marriages, I think there'd be a lot more who would become "believers" in a God who invented both desire and sexual fulfillment.
Having just gone through another pre-marriage counseling where they "didn't get to the church on time" I'm reminded again that marriage is bigger than just my wife and I. It represents a God who has such powerful and altogether good gifts to give... if we'll only receive them. So... my bride (of 36+ years) and I are committed to reflecting His glory with fidelity, integrity, and that part of sexuality that can be shown publicly (and let them dream of what we must have fun with in private).
Shalom, SteSue@aol.com (October 2005)
