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JAMES WATKINS' HEAVY TOPICS WITH A LIGHT TOUCH

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IS UNITED STATES CHURCH IN DECLINE?

(Photo from Paladin Media Group)

January 7, 2008: Webzine
heavy topics with a light touch

• Top topic: Is United States church in decline?

• Candidates need a brain—and a heart

• Counselor diagnoses post-Christmas depression

• Cross-dressing doctor, author linked to drugs, porn, adultery, . . .

• Don't "Osama" Obama with terrorist email attack

• "Leave Britney alone!"

• New mug on Facebook

• "Prosperous future" . . . in foreign captivity

• Three new "Off the Wall" columns released

• Top ten signs presidential campaign in trouble

• Top ten sites

• Year in review

With a kabillion sites you could visit, thanks for stopping by here! I hope you'll come back regularly for constantly updated humor; commentary on sex, society, the supernatural; and, of course, my plot to overthrow society as we know it. (Please save it as a "favorite," then tell a friend.)

Saturday, January 12, 2008
candidates need a brain—and a heart

Anne Coulter's latest diatribe is called If Democrats Had Any Brains, They'd Be Republicans. One could argue, if Republicans had a heart, they'd be Democrats. Perhaps both parties need to "follow the yellow brick road" for some help from "The Wizard of Oz." Of course, the "Wicked Witch of the Right" and the "Wicked Witch of the Left" will try to stop them as they dance off arm-in-arm to The Emerald City singing . . .

When a man is a conservative,
his logic is superlative
regarding health and art.
Be he mayor or the President
he'd get votes from ev'ry resident
if he only had a heart.
"Vote for me and you will see
some right-winged charity,
Federal aid and programs saved!
If I only had a heart."

When a woman is liberal
emotions are forgivable.
She feels her voters' pain!
Be it judge or the governor
Ev'ryone would simply love her
if she only had a brain.
"Vote for me and you will see
financial sanity,
A strong defense with common sense!
If I only had a brain."

So, this presidential election year, I'm looking for a man or woman who has a brain, a heart and, oh yes, courage!

Later Saturday
counselor diagnoses post-christmas depression

Laura Baker, a Christian counselor and founder of Prasso ministries, sees many clients who are experiencing depression following the Christmas season. She believes this is due to their "pretty dismal view" of what a relationship with Christ is all about.

Baker explains that PCD sufferers believe "Christmas is supposed to be the height of their Christian experience. They try to do all of the Christian activities at Christmas—family devotions, church services, even the Christmas Eve scripture readings—and then they become depressed that it was all so underwhelming." Unfortunately, all the holiday acitivities "do not fill the void in one's soul."

• How to celebrate Christmas 365 days a year (366 on leap year)
• How to have a lasting relationship with Christ

Friday, January 11, 2008
don't 'osama' obama with terrorist email attack

Just yesterday, I received three email forwards accusing Democratic presidential contender Barak Obama of, and I quote:

"Obama takes great care to conceal the fact that he is a Muslim," actually a "radical Muslim" intent on "on destroying the US from the inside out."

"Barack Hussein Obama will NOT recite the Pledge of Allegiance nor will he show any reverence for our flag."

"When he was sworn into office he DID NOT use the Holy Bible, but instead the Koran.

The email promises that all these claims are factual and supported by the urban-legend-buster site snopes.com, when in fact that site clearly states that each claim is false. (Click here for point by point refutation of this email's claims.)

At this point, I haven't chosen a candidate to support, but I do support the truth, and this email is anything but truthful! Please, check out the snope.com article. Then, campaign and vote for the candidate of your choice, but don't "Osama" Obama with this terrorist email attack. (The whole point of terrorism is to instill fear and promote one's agenda no matter who gets hurt or killed in the process. So, yes, I used the word "terrorist" intentionally.)

And now, some thoughts on . . .
• Urban legends
• "If your mother says shes loves you, check it out"

Later Friday
cross-dressing doctor, author linked to drugs, porn . . .

Wow! I can't believe it. A so-called Christian writer has just been accused of . . .

. . . cross-dressing while in high school

. . . spending numerous nights in a girl's dorm over a six-year period while
in his 30s

. . . being confined to the "closed" section of a mental hospital

. . . spending time in and out of prison from 1989 to 2005

. . . sleeping with the senior pastor while serving as an associate minister at her church

. . . using illegal drugs while on an overseas missions trip

. . . being investigated by both county and state police agencies, with police cars at his home several times a week

. . . and hosting an "adult site" on the Internet.

Unbelievable. His writing and speaking career is over! Or is it? That's me!

Three of my friends and I dressed up as an all-girl rock band for a youth group talent show in high school. My wife served six years as resident director at Indiana Wesleyan. While visiting a student in "closed" section of a mental hospital, the shift changed and the new matron had to verify that I wasn't a patient before I was allowed to leave. I also visited parishioners in both juvenile and adult prisons. My wife was senior pastor at a small church while I served as her associate pastor. While in India, I came down with severe bronchitis and our host went to the local drug store for cough medicine with codeine, which would be illegal without a prescription in this country. Our son-in-love is a police officer, so we had to have a police background before he could be hired. (He also drops Hannah off for babysitting three days a week.) And hopefully, my "adult site for adults" does address sexuality in an adult manner.

Here's my point. The recent emails attacking Obama (see post above), as well as all the negative campaigning in the primary elections, point out the need for the truth and "the whole truth." There is more to a story than the scathing political ads and investigative news reports reveal.

And a positive message can be just as deceptive. For instance: half the truth, I have a doctoral degree in para-psychology; the whole truth, my friend, John Latta, bought it from a diploma mill as a gag gift.

So, as I mentioned in the post above . . .
• "If your mother says shes loves you, check it out"

Thursday, January 10, 2008
top ten signs presidential campaign in trouble

A great top ten list on Letterman Monday night. The category: Top Ten Signs Your Presidential Campaign is in Trouble. Here are my favorites:

8. Many of your supporters have been hospitalized because you ordered your campaign buttons from China
7. You've been running negative ads about yourself
5. When reporting caucus results media refers to you as "Other"
2. You've primarily been campaigning in Canada

I'm actually encouraged with my Pool Party campaign for President. I'm within 1 percentage point of Fred Thompson and Duncan Hunter on the Republican ballot and Mike Gravel and Dennis Kucinich on the Democratic ticket.

My party is concerned that politicians of both parties sun themselves at the opposite ends of the pool while the country is drowning in national debt, the poor and middle class are barely keeping their noses above water, our nation's reputation overseas is going down the drain, our moral condition needs some serious CPR and . . . and . . . okay, I'm running out of metaphors. But, if elected, I promise to skim the best ideas from the opposite ends of the political pool and then do a great big canon ball right in the middle.

• Pool Party deck planks in water-resistant, attractive wood-like finishes

Tuesday, January 8, 2008
'leave britney alone!'

Chris Crocker got more than fifteen minutes of fame with his passionate—and parodied—"LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!" youtube.com post. The kid's got a point though:

How . . . dare anyone out there make fun of Britney after all she has been through! All you people care about is readers and making money off of her. SHE�S A HUMAN! Leave Britney alone! Please! Leave Britney Spears alone! . . . right now! . . . I mean it! . . . she is not well right now. LEAVE HER ALONE!

Unfortunately, Britney keeps putting herself in the bullseye. Just last year, she gave the paparazzi plenty of photo ops: shaving her head, partying san panties, taking a dip in the ocean in just her skivies, attacking a car with an umbrella and performing (?) on the MTV awards.

I'd like to see Britney's family isolate her in some secluded location for the serious medical and psychological treatment she obviously needs. And, I'd also like to see the media, paparazzi, and bloggers leave Britney alone. Right now! I mean it! She is not well right now. LEAVE HER ALONE!

Later Tuesday
'prosperous future' . . . in foreign captivity

While driving today, I noticed an insurance office marquee reading: JEREMIAH 29:11. It's a favorite "promise" verse of many people:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

But did you know that this verse about a prosperous future for Israel was written just before forty years of captivity in Babylon?! Before you claim the verse, keep in mind that God's time table and His definition of "prosper," "not harm you," and "hope and a future" may be very different from yours.

Some thoughts . . .
• When God doesn't seem to be keeping His promises
• When God seems late in keeping His promises

Top topic: Monday, January 7, 2008
is united states church in decline?

According to a new Gallup poll conducted last month, eight out of ten Americans "are Christian in one way of another."

Hmmm? Before Christians get too excited about those numbers, let's break down the stats.

That 82 percentile not only encompassed Protestants (51 percent) and Catholics (23 percent), but included "other Christian faiths" (8 percent) that many would categorize as unorthodox or simply non-Christian "in one way of another."

And those numbers are down from a 1948 Gallup poll when Americans were 69 percent Protestant and 22 percent Roman Catholic.

In a 1937 Gallup poll, three-fourths (73 percent) of Americans said they were church members. The number remained virtually the same through the turn of the century. Since 2000, however, that number has dropped to between 63 and 65 percent. (Wow, that's a 14 percent decline in membership in just seven years!)

But simply being a "member" of a church is very different than actually attending church. Of the two-thirds who claim church membership, only one-third said they attended once a week; 12 percent they attend "almost every week."

The number of Americans labeling themselves "Christian" is down from 91 percent to 82 percent in little over fifty years. Church membership is down from 73 percent to 66 percent over the same time. And only one half of those claiming church membership actually attend church once a week. (And, it's significantly less than half since the study cites that "attenders" regularly exaggerate their attendance record.)

Despite the increasing numbers of mega-churches, TV ministries and best-selling Christian books, the number of Protestants and Catholics in America has declined 19 percent. However, overseas, especially in Africa, South America and even Communist China, Christianity is flourishing.

So, why the decline in the North American church and increase in other areas of the world?

• Here's my theory: a lack of role models for authentic Christianity
• What's your theory?
• The 2007 Gallup Poll [off site]

Saturday, January 12, 2008

I just came across the Awakening America Alliance Web site which is in the midst of a 21-day campaign to pray for the condition of both the country and the church. Chairman Billy Wilson notes, "The current state of the church, the moral confusion of American citizens and the lost condition of a new generation of Americans demands action, action that will provoke dramatic change and which will have a dynamic impact for Christ." Over 90 Christian groups are involved in the campaign.
• Check it out

Later Monday
new mug on facebook

I've had my own blog since 1997, but I just entered the world of Facebook over Christmas break. I'm still trying to figure out the appeal of the social-network site, but if this dinosaur wants to survive, he needs to adapt. So check it out and join up as my "friend," so I don't look like Jurassic Jim! Thanks!
• My mug on Facebook

Even later Monday
three new 'off the wall' columns released

I write a humor column each issue of Rev. magazine to encourage men and women in ministry. By contract, I can't post them online until six months after they appear in print, so here are three just released. "The Book of Joe" got lots of requests for reprints, so apparently it was indeed an encouragement.
• The Book of Joe
• Considering a post-clergy career?
• The Whoopie Cushion Code
• [Earlier columns]

Tuesday, January 1, 2007
last issue: 2007 year in review

Last issue featured our fifth annual, totally subjective and slightly biased review of the past year at www.jameswatkins.com. Dominating the headlines for 2007: the never-ending parade of celebrities in and out of rehab (and jail), the never-ending 2008 presidential campaign, and, of course, the never-ending war in Iraq. Fortunately, the never-ending grace of God held the planet together for another year despite the meltdown of the polar ice caps and Britney Spears.
• Set the "Way Back" machine to 2007

Tuesday, January 1, 2007
december's top ten sites

December ranking (November)>

1. Home page / blog (1)

2. The nativity story (2)

3. 'Jim Shorts' on holidays (4)

4. Top ten reasons I'm not divorcing my wife (5)

5. One nation under the Supreme Being of your choice (9)

6. The Twelve Sites of Christmas (—)

7. "Jim Shorts" on sex (10)

8. Is it a life or a choice? (6)

9. Women in ministry issues (7)

10. "Jim Shorts" on media (—)

And finally . . .
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